Jaded's Recap: XI - I = X (I was serious when I said I was using this title the rest of the way)
by Jaded 3/24/2004
Another night of singing is now part of our shared history and tonight we'll share another special moment. That being us deciding who we no longer want to share the show with. Look, we've moved on. Let's act like adults here. These things happen sometimes.
So, I guess I should ask you guys right before the show starts, are you excited? I'm excited. I'm really excited. I'm really, really, really, really excited. Excited. You need to be excited too. Get in the mood and use strong coffee if necessary. Your excitement levels must be inflated before the show starts because if they aren't, the swirling lights and dramatic phantom voice and the bubbly Seacrestness of Seacrest will blow your mind. It's like getting into a hot tub. You don't cannonball in! You slide in gently. Getting excited now is like going ankle deep to start.
Okay! The show starts and Seacrest comes gliding out and we broke some records last night and gah! My head! I.gah! I didn't.agh! This is what I tried to warn you about. Now I'm too excited and I can't slocus. Focule. Focus!
While I take some deep, calming breaths, I recognize a pattern. Tuesday equals dark suit on Ryan, Wednesday equals light suit on Ryan. And this particular Wednesday equals two right side pockets for Ryan. The symbolism is.drastic, I'm sure. The kids, sitting on the couches as usual, clap for each other.
That quickly moves right into a recap of last night's country celebrashun. I'm still devastated that not a single gal opted to sing "Jolene."Coulda been a real votegetter. Hey, speaking of votegetters, here's Kimberley Locke! Kimberley is going to sing her hit single, "Eighth World Wonder," and I assume that means it's a tribute to Andre the Giant. Hmm. Think I fell in love with the eighth world wonder.that's understandable. It's coming over me, making me believe.hmm. Nothing about body slams in there yet. Maybe in the second verse. Thunder, okay, that might be a metaphor for when The Giant entered the ring. Hmm. You know what? I think this song is just about love. Love of an ordinary, non-gigantic man. Oh well.
Welcome back! Seacrest! Still here! Time for the votes. Three will be teased, one will go home. John Stevens, you're safe. John's dad lets out a sigh of relief. Fantasia, rock on, baby. Matt, your hair is nice, but that's not enough to protect you. Come over here and dwarf Seacrest, please. La Toya, people want more La Toya. George Huff, you seem cold in the studio. Maybe.these votes will warm you up! Jasmine, you're pitchy and safe. I know safe is good. Jon Peter, you're starting to look like Benny Mac, Ryan Atwood of The O.C. And you're also safe. Camile, your pink belt can't save you now. Maybe Matt's strong arms can. Jennifer, you're safe, doll baby. Diana and Amy. Please wrestle to determine who is in the bottom three. What? No wrestling? All right, just sit there then until we tell you.
The break is over and now we'll tell you. Diana, it's not so good. Judges? Surprised? A little. Sorta. Not really, maybe. Hey, Diana, even though you've stood over here in the circle of shame the shortest amount of time, that's quite enough. Now get back over to the couches!
Now, Matt and Camile, I'll admit this isn't fun. And it hurts us more than it hurts you. Okay, we all know it hurts you much, much more, but we're trying here. Look, we both knew when this started it might not last forever. Things...happen. Oh, come on, I'm no good at this sort of thing. Why are you making me do this? Listen...Matt, it's over. I'm sorry. Oh, and lastly...SEACREST OUT.
All Season 3 Recaps
- What I Did On My Summer Vacation Or, How To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb
- In the beginning.we ran out of titles
- First show, first recap. (This will be the order all season long.)
- The Journey Continues! (For now.)
- Night Three! (Snappy titles are overrated, anyway)
- Finally! A show about California!
- Mokolokilikilanilaki! It's Hawai'i!
- The road is to Hollywood! (Is paved with broken dreams. And asphalt.)
- You're going to Hollywood! (For a little bit, at least.)
- 87 - people not good enough = 32 finalists!
- Two will be happy. Six will be sad. Lots will be watching.
- Sing Again!
- Jaded's Cousin Weighs In
- I'm Back, Baby!
- You! Over here! With the rest of the finalists!
- Who's not so good?
- Group four! Then the Wild Card!
- Finally! Finalists!
- Wild Cards! Wild! Cards! Wild!
- Wild Card Results
- XII - I = XI (Hope you like this title formula, because you'll be seeing it at least X more times.)
- XI - I = X (I was serious when I said I was using this title the rest of the way)
- X - I = IX (Now THAT'S confusing!)
- IX - I = VIII
- VIII - I = VII
- VII - I = VI
- VI - I = V
- A Special Recap For A Special Show's Special!
- V (Only III more weeks of this dumb title!)
- V - I = IV (Only III more weeks of this dumb title!)
- IV - I = III
- Special #2!
- III (The one with Clubber Lang!)
- III - I = Almost done!
- II (This is it! For Tuesdays. For now.)
- II - I = We're done, baby
- Hey, pals!