Jaded's Recap: Week 13 - Wednesday

Wednesday! Wennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndnesday! How long would you fine folks tolerate me starting each recap off that way? I'm guessing that you probably aren't even tolerating seeing it again today, but we'll see how far you can be pushed next Tuesday! Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuesday!

It's Wednesday night. It's dark on the stage. Seacrest promises that we're in for a shock tonight. So...can we mentally eliminate the one or two people we thought were definitely out? Hey! A tie! Maybe that's the shock and the elimination process will be fairly normal. I dunno. Somebody establish a standard please.

Seacrest opens the show by busting on Kirstie Alley. Then, he asks the kids how it's going. You know, how's life, etc, etc. It's going fine. For all of them. For now! (ominous music sting!) Then we see the kids recording their charity classic. It's like Live Aid all over again. Man, look at that sound board! Industry secret? At least 85% of those dials don't do a thing. It's simply designed to look impressive so artists will listen to the producers. Seriously. Ask anybody.

After a break, Seacrest promises us tons and tons of music tonight. Is that the shock? No, it couldn't be. This is a music show, after all. The kids come out for a charming group performance. You know, I can't wait until after the show when some chick asks Constantine for his autograph and he says, "Sorry, babe.." before peeling out of the lot on his motorcycle. Ah, calm down. Connie wouldn't really do that. He's a good kid. Guy, actually. Then we see a week in the life of an Idol. Nadia typically wears her Humpty Hump glasses to the office. Bowlin', bowlin', bowlin'! Get them balls a' rollin'! Then a bunch of other good stuff happens, then somebody goes home. Oh, by the way, this week will be a total shock when you find out who's in the bottom three.

Then – well, not right then, after more good stuff – it's time for some results. Seacrest promises that the totally shocking bottom three will sing their favorite song from the entire season tonight. Hey, Scott, not to change the subject or anything, but what's your favorite song from the season? Uh huh. Uh huh. Interesting. Listen, how about you perform that now? 'Cause you're in the bottom three, yo.

Oh, poor Scott. Over there all by hisself. Let's find him a friend, shall we? Carrie, you're safe. Anwar, you're safe. Bo Bice, you rock the ladies all night long. You're in the bottom three. Shocking! I'm not sure what the correct punctuation would be here. Bo Bice takes the news pretty well. Dude, it ain't no thing. Will Bo Bice sing "Freebird," the song that put him in the bottom three? No. No he won't. But could he steal Kate Hudson away from Chris Robinson? Mmm, probably no to that too.

So, who's next? Who wants to be a hero? Street Hawk, you're fine. Vonzell, Anthony, Nadia. Or rather, just Nadia. Scott, Bo Bice, Nadia. Randy, Paula, Simon, what do you think? They think...it's shocking! Or something. They said a bunch of stuff. Then Ryan tells Scott he's safe for another week. But who isn't? Not Bo Bice. Which is to say, Nadia. Shout out to Miami! South Beach!