Well, somebody has to go tonight. I have three likely candidates in mind, but truly I have no idea who it's going to be. Honestly, I'm as curious to find out as you are. Especially because historically, these first two cuts don't go on the summer tour after the show. So there's still some real drama here.

Brett, smiling huge! Kevin, standing nervously! Idol, starting now! It seems that Ryan is no longer wearing black to mourn the cutting of contestants. Maybe after five seasons he's finally come to grips with it. Ryan introduces the judges, and Simon, fresh from an afternoon in the Bahamas, had no time to change his crisp white beach shirt before the show started. Being rich is great!

Hey, we'll see you on the other side of the break. Not quite, "We'll be back in two and two!", but there you have it. And, indeed, we do see Seacrest on the other side of the break. Videos are back! Hey! That's not a real fire! That's not a real sasquatch, either, although it's 1000 times more creepy.

Then it's Stevie time. This should be good. Ryan leans in nice and close to Stevie to ask him about the contestants. Um...his ears are fine, Ryan.

I hope these kids are enjoying Stevie's performance. Because for one of them, it's their last 15 minutes of Idol fame. Literally. The show is half over. Wow! The cast of The Loop is there! All standing together in a camera-accessible row! Weird. But forget them for now. It's time for results.

Brett. Kevin. One of you is in the bottom three. But guess what? It's not the one either of you excepted. Brett, apparently your shirt's boast of "Rocked out" isn't quite accurate, because you're in the bottom three, friend. Brett looks absolutely gobsmacked right now. Like some girl in a bar just rejected him. "I'm sorry, what's that? Did you say no? I thought I heard no there. Which can't be right, because no girl ever said that to me before. I said would you like to go out some time, not would you like to not go out some time. You probably just misheard me.

God rocked out? That's what the shirt says? And...he did? Back to the results. Paris, you're safe. Check out the audio bars in the background this year. Red lights for cheers. Kellie, you're safe. Taylor, you're safe. Your nerdy friends are as happy as they would be if they stumbled upon a +20 armor in Everquest. Chris, you and your Zburns are safe. Melissa. Elliott. Now you two are paired on the edge. But not for long. Quickly, Melissa and Brett are paired on the edge. Mandisa, you're safe. Kathy, you know you're safe, baby.

Lisa and Bucky. Only one can be happy right now. And that one is...Bucky. Unless, um, for some reason Lisa is happy about being in the bottom three. Brett has still not come to terms with his bottom threeness. He's handling rejection like Ayla. So who gets off the hook early? Brett Young. Wow. That is some serious clapping by Brett's brother. Argh!

And then Melissa was gone. I wonder if she had a premonition about this moment last night. She admits to Ryan that she did. Hey! There's her boyfriend in the montage! The one I correctly predicted she would break up with if one of them made it to Hollywood.

You had a bad day, you messed up your song, you had a bad day.