If I held down my shift key, that headline would read ! OF !) vOTED oFF. Just if, you know, you're curious. So, apparently Shakira and Wyclef Jean are both performing on Idol tonight. I'm serious. All of a sudden, the Wednesday show is like the Billboard Awards. Why aren't I attending the show these days again? I feel fairly certain I could land at least of couple of dates with Shakira if she met me. I doubt we could pull off a long term relationship, though, since I can only eat so much fried steak, and they love that stuff where she's from. Fried steak and yucca powder, three meals a day!

What happened to Mandisa's head? I think sometimes professional hair stylists get bored and just want to show off a little bit. Then Idol turns into some sort of hairstyling dunk contest. And Kellie, too. Guarini, in the audience, looks longingly at the stage. Surprised he was free tonight. I wonder if there are any other celebs in the audience tonight. Teri Hatcher, perhaps?

Ryan introduces the contestants. Apparently they all told Chris backstage they were going to give the audience a standing ovation, but in reality, they were just giving Chris the old fake out. He starts standing up, only to sit back down. Now let's have some cross-promotion!

As we come back from a break, a young girl in the audience holds up a sign that reads, "_____ makes me flush." I don't know what that means and I'm almost positive I don't want to know. So. Shakira and Wyclef Jean. Here they are. Yep. Here they are indeed.

Okay, now it's time for some results. Front rowers, you are all safe. I guess Paris' Raiders of the Lost Ark medallion protected them from evil. Everybody goes wild. Except, of course, the five in the top row. They go nervous.

After another break, the back row gets the good or bad news, depending. Elliott, you're safe. Lisa, you're in the bottom three for a third straight week. Maybe play 333 in the lotto tomorrow night and see if you don't win $3,333. Brett Young, you're back in the bottom three. Emotionally scarring. Kathy. Bucky. I only have a crush on one of you. So...uh...maybe that gives you something positive to think about, Kathy, as you stand in the bottom three.

Who gets to glide back to safety first? Brett Young. Hey, you know what's funny? Kathy and Lisa have the same hair tonight, only parted on different sides. It's quite an effect as they stand next to each other. And then...there was no more Lisa. At least as far as Idol is concerned. Ryan calls her one of the greatest contestants he's ever seen on Idol. And she finished tenth. So imagine how amazing the winner will be! Gosh! Paris is bawling as she watches Lisa go. Maybe Paris is scared of being the youngest contestant left. Like in a horror movie when all of your friends are being picked off one by one.